Going for the Gold

I actually like his spray tan, mainly because it's so obvious that you know he went overboard on purpose. He didn't try to get a tiny bit tan and look normal, he went full blast and played for the win. Of course in this case winning is looking ridiculously stupid, but I like his style. It must take some serious courage to walk around getting laughed at all the time, but this guy accomplished his dream of being super tan and we should respect him. Right after we offer to pay for his psych evaluation.

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I don't know what this guy thought he was going to look like after getting a spray tan but I bet it was nothing like that. His fake tan is so thorough I think they even sprayed his lips. They got his ears, up to the hairline, the chest, the arm, around the eyes, they sprayed everything. I'm actually surprised they didn't spray his teeth, eyes, or hair. At the very least I have to give him credit for remembering to spray everything but I can't overlook how colorblind he was when choosing a color.

He is completely orange!

Thanks for the photo but I think I'll make up my own story. Wink wink inside joke. With your help we can improve the lives of people around the world! For the insignificant sum of 1 dollar a day you can give a girl like this the orange tan she so desperately needs. Your money will go to improving not only her life, but it will put a smile on the face of everyone who sees her. You can't even use that money to buy an item at a dollar store with the taxes imposed in your extravagant country, but you can improve countless lives by placing one simple call to 1-800-tan-more. Look at the photo! You are heartless if you don't help.

Make A Difference

This happens to me all the time Usually when I come across a photo where it's a toss up between if it's their skin or the lighting I put off making a decision and never use the photo. This time I will because it's probably the lighting. The first clue is that it's a much darker red color on top, probably because most lights are on the ceiling. The second clue is that she's bartending, and what do we know about bartenders? They're paid mainly in tips. Now let's be honest, it's based completely on their looks. Nobody is going to tip her with a hideously red sunburn so if it was in fact a sunburn, she wouldn't be working. That guy behind her in the pink shirt who is waiting for service while she takes a photo, he's tan.

It Might Be The Lighting

This guy spent too much time at the beach getting his tan on and now that he's at a cool party, the ladies all want to take a photo with him. I just don't think they're taking a picture with him because he's their friend, they just want a record of his sunburn/tan. That woman on the left obviously couldn't maintain a serious expression throughout the process and now he's second guessing their motives.

A little too much sun?

It's a Double Date

You can already tell which two make up each couple can't you. Of course the girl in the red is with the shorter guy and the tall guy is with the woman in purple. It's obvious isn't it, they each did the couples tanning day at their local salon, but you only get to choose one shade for the couple. Unluckily for shawty, his lady got to pick the color of their skin. Excuse my language there, I'm taking this hip-hop english class at the community college. The worst part is the spelling tests, they're hard fo-rizzle.

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Since he's mad pale he should set down his sisters phone, stop typing using both o and #0, and start doing some tanning ayyyysappp. What would the y even stand for in asap? I'll bet every english teacher this guy had growing up vomited after reading his essays. If people really pay money to try and get tan after they already look like this I should open a tanning salon. Another guido with a necklace, gotta go back 2 look 4 a guido without one ayyyysapppp!! I'm sorry about that english teachers.

He gets mad pale in winter

Surprise! It's a bodybuilder that neglected to tan her face! Why aren't you surprised? It's the effort that counts, and I put in almost none so you should be grateful. I know we've seen like a hundred of these before, but it should still be surprising. I mean, who in their right mind would tan their entire body and leave out one of the most important bits on purpose? Alright I admit it's not surprising to see these anymore but it's definitely still funny, and maybe a little creepy if you stare into her eyes too long.

It's Not Really A Surprise Anymore

I've often wondered what I'd do with an estimated $2.7 billion, thanks Wikipedia for telling me how much poorer I am than Donald Trump. I'd buy some fast cars, some motorcycles, a mega-yacht, a spaceship, and a monkey that knows sign language. I've always wondered what a conversation with a monkey would be like. On the bright side I'm only an estimated $2.7 billion away from making those dreams a reality. I better start learning sign language. Almost forgot, he has a really bad tan.

The Donald

Absolutely nothing about her look says that she was prepared to walk the red carpet on this occasion. She's got that just rolled out of bed hair, a tan that's a cross between an orange fake tan and a sunburn, and are those stains on her dress? It looks like either this appearance was sprung on her at the last moment or she and her stylist had differing opinions. The first one's acceptable, but you never want to fire your stylist right before an event. I bet the stylist gets a good laugh every time they see this pic. I know I do.

Red Carpet Ready

You're Pale Under Your Hair Too

I'd bet he wasn't expecting this when he decided to shave his cornrows. You never really think about how your head is tanning until you see it, but I'm sure most people have pale scalps. I would really like to see one of those tanning obsessed girls shave their heads, it'd look like they were wearing a white swim cap. I'm pretty sure that there's no way to avoid it either, but I've never researched how to tan your scalp before. To the Batcave! Alfred, stock up on Hot Pockets, I've got research to attend to.

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Somebody mentioned Snooki's boyfriend so I had to go take a look and wow, how can he be tanner than Snooki? Since 2009 Snooki has been the bronze standard for being too tan but now it appears she's lost the throne. When she stopped tanning for her baby it appears she didn't leave the game completely because she must've coached her boyfriend in how to tan if he got this dark. This better be a new career path for her, I wanna be coached by Snooki too! Of course I'd take her tanning course and then do the exact opposite, but not everyone knows to do that. Their baby will need some serious tanning help because two wrongs don't make a right.

Snooki's Boyfriend is Tanner Than Her

Checking out this trout pout you'd better not doubt her clout or there'll be some fallout from the bout. Her face is hilarious, I bet she can't even close her lips to drink anything! If you don't swim in the same streams and want to know what the trout pout is it's when girls inject collagen into their lips to make them larger. I think their intent is to resemble a Big Mouth Billy Bass. Inevitably they don't succeed and wind up looking like every other washed up actress or model and if their career wasn't over before, it is now. For legal reasons we have to participate in the catch and release program, but I have bad aim so I accidentally released her over a waterfall. I swear that's how it happened officer.

Look at that Trout Pout!

Looks like he's using sunscreen on his face and arms, but he definitely forgot to use any on his legs, big mistake. You wouldn't expect your legs get as much sun as they do, and when they get burned there is no relief in sight. Normally your legs get sunburned in the summer when nobody wears pants, so they are never able to recover from the burn until you either stay inside for a week or start wearing pants. One bad leg sunburn can ruin an entire vacation, especially if you don't pack pants like this guy. He's going to have to wear shorts and expose his legs to more sunburning for the rest of the week, and when he gets home he'll be able to peel his skin off like spandex leggings. I've been there before, it's nasty.

Sunscreen Your Legs

Those two can't take a photo well, but she doesn't look well period. She probably tried to use one of the beauty products from those infomercials to give her face that natural glow. Turns out it's much harder to use those things than they make it look on TV. You don't have professional stylists at home so you've got to use mirrors where everything's backwards and work on you own face. I think she might've skipped the mirror step. She probably skipped reading the directions too because I'm pretty sure that's Flex Seal on her face. On the bright side her pores have never been sealed so tightly.

They're Really Photogenic

He's Mad About His Botox

You might not be able to tell under that flawless tan, but he's really mad at his doctor after the botox injections he got completely paralyzed his face. The injections are normally supposed to paralyze some of his facial muscles, but the doctor's hand slipped while performing the procedure and well, you see the results. I hope he's up to date on his malpractice insurance because this dudes going to win a multimillion dollar lawsuit, just like that girl did when he messed up her boob job. Man, that doctor can't catch a break.

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I really hope this is a fake tan because it's hilarious if it is, but it's almost too ridiculous so I've got to cover my bases. I don't want to take sides on this one because if it turns out she has some horrible skin condition or is naturally that dark skinned I'll feel really stupid. I'm pretty stupid to begin with, but I'll feel even stupider if I'm proved wrong here. I'm talking conclusive proof, not some guesswork from an amateur picture evaluator. I need to see DNA results, 3 forms of government ID, her 4th grade family tree project, and her credit card statements before I laugh hysterically. I bet her credit cards will show that she's bought tons of fake tanning products, but I want to be on the safe side.

Please Let This Be a Fake Tan

If he had his shirt on you'd think he had an awesome tan, and without it he has awesome tan lines, it's a win-win. Some might say that he has bad tan lines so it's a bad tan and they'd be wrong. They're wrong because when he's wearing a shirt you can't even tell, and when he takes it off his tan lines are bad enough that it's hilarious. It's like choosing between tacos and burritos, either way you're eating Mexican food so you've already won.

That's a good T-Shirt tan

We've seen so many bikers with these hideous bike shorts tan lines it's not even surprising anymore, but what is surprising is that this guy's still alive. Why am I surprised that he's still alive you ask, because of all the veins popping out on his legs. If he even got a tiny cut on his legs he would bleed out in less than 2 minutes. It's amazing that he's never sustained even a scratch considering that he shaves his legs so he can bike faster. This guy shouldn't be relaxing taking photos of his legs, he should be consulting with medical professionals to figure out how he managed to survive all these years.

Another Biker With Tan Lines

Have you ever noticed that people with no friends tend to make the worst tanners? It's not that they can't tan, they just can't do it right because nobody's there to sunscreen their back. Most people would at least make an attempt to apply sunscreen to their own back using some contortionist techniques but end up with spotty coverage, she didn't even bother with that. Of course you could always ask a stranger to sunscreen your back for you, I've had mixed experiences with that. By mixed experiences I don't mean that some were good and some were bad, they were all bad, they were mixed in the degree of badness. For instance sometimes I received a simple 'no, go away', but on more than one occasion I was barely able to post bail. One is the loneliest number.

Nobody's Got Her Back