He Pulls it Off

Not many kids can get a sunburn all over their body without crying, but this isn't your average kid. No, he's smart enough to realize that his parents' lack of foresight with the sunscreen could play to his advantage. Not many ladies can resist a cute kid, but a cute kid with a sexy tan? He'd be irresistible, how devious! He's accounted for everything, so it would be the perfect plan if not for one small oversight. He's a member of a prestigious club with an ancient list of unbreakable rules. I believe the one that applies here is 'No girls allowed'.

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Railroad Tracks are Perfect Photo-Ops

Thanks for all the posts, this wouldn't be possible without them. Way2Tan is blowing up nowadays, I don't mean to brag but this girl is definitely one of the thousands of Way2Tanners out there. We currently have a TON of facebook fans, which is quite close to my personal goal of 1 million because I'm a generous rounder. What's better is that I only had to bribe about half of them to like me! I know a million is a lofty goal, but I've got one of those cat posters on my wall telling me to 'Hang in there'. My collection of inspirational cat posters is a good indication that I'll get there eventually, so thanks for being along for the ride.

Yay Way2Tan!

You know something's up when you've had 4 dogs in the past year and all of them thought they were better off taking their chances in the pound. It just goes to show you that a designer purse is no place for a dog. They don't really like regular purses either, but you see them more often in designer purses. She never was a dog person anyway, so now she got herself a new companion that will never run away, never need feeding, never poop in her Gucci, and never get scared by her increasingly scary fake tan. I don't think she'll ever let go of that bear, so I give it a week before it's completely brown and nasty. You know that thing about pets resembling their owners, it's true.

Her Real Pets Ran Away

I hope she knows that once the sun goes down it'll get pretty cold. That's who she is though, she never thinks things through. It's barely legible but that tattoo on her hip reads 'La Banana'. I enjoy potassium laden fruits as much as anyone but a tattoo, that's just stupid. I always like to look on the sunnier side, so it's great that her tattoo doesn't say 'La Bomba' in reference to the Ricky Martin song. I didn't even pass high school Spanish so don't take my word for it but he's no Enrique Iglesias. So yeah, here's the rankings summed up. Bananas are better than Enrique who is better than Ricky who is slightly ahead of La Bouche. I need to try and stay on topic more because how did I even get here?

A Bikini?

Bright Colors Moving Fast

Ok, first off I've never been to a full on rave before so everything that follows is purely speculation. Standard rave gear is bright colored clothing and glow sticks, lots of glow sticks. She took the bright colored clothing to the next level with her orange tan. I'd also assume, since it's a rave after all, that everyone is on some sort of drug. Not only that, but the drugs have cool abbreviations and multiple street names that could confuse a pharmacist. What does all this add up to, it adds up to a bunch of brightly colored people spastically flailing about in a drug fueled haze. I feel like every rave could be summed up the same way. It was awesome, there were all these bright colors moving fast.

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Sunburnt Face

I know it might not look like it now but this is part of a two-post user submission, and the second one is more than enough proof for both pictures. This is obviously from the girls' Halloween party where they dressed up like a maid, a devil, and something orange. What am I a costume specialist? I have no idea what the orange girl is trying to be, she put in almost no effort into her costume. The other girls have the feather duster and the horns so you know what they are and what does she have, nothing. I know what she is, she's an idiot. Maybe you shouldn't choose a dress the same color as your skin.

These Girls Fake Tan, Trust Me

Her Real Pets Ran Away

She has a tan, but that's not what I'm referring to here. What she needs to think about is her choice of both outer and undergarments. I'm no fashion designer, but anyone will tell you that an orange bra and a see-through white shirt don't work outside. The bra isn't even the problem here. Pretty much any other color but white wouldn't work in this situation, so maybe she should think through her shirt choice first. Don't get me wrong, I would never argue against a see-through shirt I just think you can make it a little easier for people to not stare.

Think It Through Next Time

Switch Your Socks

Nobody goes with long socks anymore, just more proof that you're not with the times. Because of the increase in tan conscious buyers It's all about socks that stop below the ankle nowadays. I just made up that fact, but it's undeniable that this guy needs some style advice. There only two situations where long socks win over their shorter counterparts. One is during winter, but that's irrelevant if he managed to get tan lines. The other is when you expect to receive cuts or scrapes on your lower legs while hiking through scratchy plants. For that you should really wear plants, so that leaves only one time for longer socks and summer isn't it.

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I guess that once you've been named sexiest man alive you've got to keep yourself looking good. This could be natural given that he does live in Australia sometimes, but the easier explanation is that he got a spray tan. It must've been a very subtle tan since he looks really natural. Of course he should look natural since he heals so quickly being Wolverine and all. I'll bet his X-Men friends reworked the spray tan formula to give him this awesome tan. I wish I had the X-Men on speed dial to solve all my problems, although they'd probably block my number after I called for support from the couch to help me reach the remote.

Hugh Jackman Got a Nice Tan

I hope they didn't pay too much for those fake tans because they could've gotten natural ones for free. They even used fake names at the salon because these are actually their disguises for when they rob a bank later today. After they get out with the money they're going to wash off the tans and dye their hair different colors. It's a good plan because the cops will be looking for really tan brunette suspects while the real robbers are all pale and blond, but it's a genius plan because they're in New Jersey. The cops are gonna have their hands full with all the fakes.

The tanning salon used Groupon

That guys face looks almost exactly as orange as our mascot, add the sunglasses and they could be twins. I wonder how many coats of fake tan he had to put on to achieve that shade, maybe 7? The one thing I learned from this didn't come from Mr. Orange but from his friend, who taught me that denim jackets did in fact survive the 80's.

They befriended an oompa loompa

This post is brought to you by the letter T. You know you wear a certain outfit too much when it's been outlined on your skin with tan lines. It's always been my goal to never wear a certain outfit long enough to get tan lines associated with it, but that's really hard for guys. For example you need 4 times the amount of swimsuits than the average male. To keep the tan lines at bay you need a speedo, a short suit, a long suit, and a birthday suit. With shirts it's even harder because you've really got 4 options, a tank top, short sleeves, long sleeves, and shirtless. Those 4 options might seem like enough, but only 2 of them are appropriate business attire. Which 2 you can wear depends on what business you're in.

That There's Two Tank Top Tans

Spay-On Sunscreen Recall

So if you haven't already heard the news, this is now a highly respected news site as I'm about to break a huge story. Banana Boat has just recalled half a million bottles of spray on sunscreen after reports that people have caught fire while applying the product. Whoa, sunscreen doesn't prevent burns? I don't know what to believe anymore. It appears only 5 cases have been reported, and one involved a man standing near a barbecue grill and a woman working with welding equipment. Welding equipment and open flames? I think I'll be fine if I use common sense and don't stand near fires while applying something out of an aerosol can. New proposed warning label: Do not use if you are smokin' hot. Yup, I better stick to lotion.

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I've been wondering for hours now whether she's excessively tan or he's super pale, but either way the gap between their skin colors needs to be lessened. She could stop tanning but it looks natural so it'll take a long time for her to get pale enough for the color difference to shrink enough. The fast and simple solution is for him to man up and tan up. Hey, that should be my new catchphrase! I've always wanted a cool catchphrase, maybe this could be the one? Man up and tan up? It has a nice ring to it but I think I can do better, just like she can. Woah, am I really suggesting a couple break up because of their tans? No, she can always spray tan her man. I'll pass on that too, I'm gonna wait for the perfect catchphrase.

He Needs to Tan

The executives responsible for this kit decided to market it exclusively to New Jersey. Actually, I have no idea who gave this idea the thumbs up in the first place. I mean come on, the little girl in the ad looks like she belongs at the bus stop between Sunoco and the 7-11. The next thing you know you'll be buying the My First Meth Addict kit and My Little Crack Rock for her as well.

My little streetwalker makeup kit

She's so tan it's almost a guarantee it's fake, but is that what's really causing it to look like she has a moustache? We really should get some of those Bigfoot experts from TV in here to consult on this because they're really good at making conclusions from even the tiniest shred of proof. They're also really good at looking at blurry photos, they could tell me in a millisecond whether that's a real moustache or some stray fake tanner. I'm afraid I couldn't get ahold of them in time so I'll have to make the call myself. Bigfoot is real people, he's out there! That's him in the back right! He showed up at the club because he probably thought she was like him with that moustache.

Is It Really Her Tan?

I know these are celebrities because it's an obvious paparazzi shot, but I have no clue why they're famous or who they are. Don't tell me I'm not listening, lalalalala. I don't want to waste more brain space with knowledge of someone with a horrible fake tan like that. Look at that tan, she's no Einstein, how can knowledge of who she is and what she does help me at all? It can't, so to learn about her I'd have to forget everything I know about knitting. Don't laugh, when the zombies come and everyone's freezing because they can't knit I'll be wearing my own fashion line of survival gear. I'd rather not lose that for knowledge of this tan bimbo.

Don't Know, Don't Care